Picture of The Week

Quote of the Week

"It's all or nothing for Sheffield United...they must score in the next five minutes to draw level and if they fail to do so, they cannot blame Carlos Tevez for this."
Jim Proudfoot commentating for Talksport on the Championship play-off final.

STADIUM ANNOUNCEMENT OF THE WEEK

"On loan from Tottenham so that he can feel what three points is like - Andy Barcham!"
Stadium announcer at Gillingham greets on-loan midfielder Andy Barcham from Spurs, who were bottom at the time.

"Would the owner of the Vauxhall, registration number xxxxxx, please report to the nearest steward as you have left the handbrake off and it has rolled into the car behind you."

Shortly afterwards....

"Would the owner of the Ford Fiesta, registration number xxxxxx, please also report to the nearest steward as yours is the one that has been hit."
From the Wycombe Wanderers-Brentford game.

"And a big round of applause for Hull City. Tottenham nil, Hull City one. Tottenham nil, Hull City one. Tottenham nil, Hull City one. Thank you very much."
Chelsea announcer.

"Will Mr ******* please go to the club office immediately, your wife is in labour you need to ring her, yeah."
Heard at Rochdale v Darlington.

CHANTS FROM THE TERRACES - BEST OF THE SEASON

"Viva Da Silva, Viva Da Silva, when they're on the pitch, we don't know which is which, Viva da Silva!"
Man Utd supporters on the debut of Fabio da Silva, twin brother of Rafael.

"Get your mascot off the pitch!"
AFC Hornchurch fans to Peterborough's pint-sized midfielder Dean Keates.

"Chu-rch, whoah-oh-oh, Chu-rch, whoah-oh-oh,
His name suggests he's holy, he's gonna beat your goalie!"
On-loan striker Simon Church is heralded by the Leyton Orient faithful.

Joke of the Week

An Everton fan walks into the library. He walks up to the counter, slams a book down and screams at the librarian, "This is the worst book I've ever read! It has no plot and far too many characters!"

The librarian looks up and calmly remarks, "So, you're the one who took our phone book!"

Posh and Becks are travelling back from Heathrow Airport to Central London.
"Where have you been?" asks the cabbie.
"New York," says Beckham. "We saw a show and did some shopping."
"Did you have any nice meals?" asks the cabbie.
"Yes, one really great one."
"What was the name of the restaurant?" asks the cabbie.
"Dunno. I can't remember. Name some big railway stations in London," says Beckham.
The cabbie begins: "Waterloo, Paddington, Victoria..."
Beckham interrupts excitedly: "That's it! Victoria, what was the name of that restaurant we went to?"